There’s an ongoing dynamic in my marriage where I have a need for things to be orderly around the house. While my wife isn’t necessarily messy, she has different priorities when it comes to being clean. Whenever the house environment feels too chaotic and disorderly for me, a judgemental part of me takes over and starts to control her through …
Agreements are definitely not the sexiest of topics, but they do build a sense of trust and relaxation in a relationship, all of which are prerequisites to a great sex life. They are incredibly important for a host of different reasons and form the backbone of any solid relationship. My wife and I have our agreements posted up in our …
Fairness might be more important than love. A good relationship is dependent on experiencing a sense of fairness—that what you’re putting in the other is matching, roughly speaking. When the relationship is fair we feel settled in the knowing that there is a shared commitment to fostering each other’s safety, development, and expression. As social animals it is reflexive for …
“Relationship is a dance between tending to your own pain and inviting the other inside to tend with you.” — Ryan Ginn It’s very human to want to bypass, avoid and postpone confronting our own inner pain, unaddressed disappointments and grief. When we get into a relationship, it’s easy to project all that pain onto our partner and expect them …
Communication is an inherently flawed process. When two human organisms get together, what unfolds between them is a complex web of verbal and non-verbal communication cues that can leave even the most advanced communication practitioner dumbfounded. Once those cues are sent, each person then interprets them and draws conclusions based on their own history and experience—sometimes concluding the exact opposite …
When people come to see me for help in their relationship, they often say their major struggle is around communication. This makes sense because the truth is, communication is hard for everybody—no one is born with perfect communication skills. Unless a couple actively works on it, it’s probably going to be a shit show, and what’s at stake in the …
In a modern day world with infinite possibilities, why did I choose to work with couples? It has a lot to do with…baseball. I’ve been interested in baseball for my entire life. As a young boy I had a great affinity for creating my own All-Star baseball teams. As a seven year old, I would grab the Sports Section and …
You could say that couples are the foundation of our society. When couples are functioning well with one another, everyone around them is more at ease and more optimistic about life in general. But when they’re dysfunctional it can be a horror show. It may even become traumatizing or re-traumatizing for everyone involved. The fact is, most of us are …
A partner, by definition is: “a pair of people engaged together in the same activity”. Yet I was personally avoiding being in an INTERDEPENDENT partnership because I was fearful that it would take away my autonomy. My ‘stuff’: my private time, my agendas, my personal activities, my peace would no longer exist.
When was the last time you stepped into your body? You know — turned down the volume on your thinking mind? Quieted the problem-solver inside your head, and settled into what you just might actually be sensing or feeling underneath all of that story and damn noise? If it’s been a while (or you don’t remember, or really even know …
